RULES TO ENTER KANSAS
Applies to each person as they enter Kansas.
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get
dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
Applies to each person as they enter Kansas.
Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup
truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get
dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That's what they smell like to you. They
smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes east and
west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $200,000 combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 goes east and
west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $200,000 combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish and mountain oysters. You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try K-State or KU or abunch a' others. They come outa there
with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. Anhydrous Ammonia is used as a fertilizer! Let us catch you trying to
"cook" something with it and we will "cook" your you-know-what!
to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish and mountain oysters. You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try K-State or KU or abunch a' others. They come outa there
with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. Anhydrous Ammonia is used as a fertilizer! Let us catch you trying to
"cook" something with it and we will "cook" your you-know-what!
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